We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize