It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
