Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
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I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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