if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
