Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
