Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
