no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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