He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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