I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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