how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
