You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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