Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
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Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
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For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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