Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
