i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
