It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
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Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize