i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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