I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
