that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
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my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
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But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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