The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
