exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
