Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
