the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize