If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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