I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Who put my cat in the fridge?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
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