none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
