I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
