Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
