I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
