It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
