Got a toothbrush?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
