His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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