put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
