We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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