official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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