If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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