what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
