i barfeds in our rink
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
