he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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