haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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