Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
