i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
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