I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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