right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
