I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
