he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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