I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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