The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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