Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
