cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
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He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
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Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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