you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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