In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
cat food counts as protein by the way
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
