Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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