dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
