Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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