My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
