Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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