last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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