So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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