I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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