He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
