Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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