I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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