She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize