Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
What a fucking waste of an outfit
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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