And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
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Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
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My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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