Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
