No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
