She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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