Welp...herpes.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
