Three words: puerto rican gang bang
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
