I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
This beer is not sobering me up at all
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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